i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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