i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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