I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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