he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
