i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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