Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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