You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
