btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
