I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
