Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize