??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
