Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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