god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just got carded by a ten year old.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
