I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
