Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
