Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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