HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
