Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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