god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
