i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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