I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
