SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
