Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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