he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
