hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
