are you still at the devil's house?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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