P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
