Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
