I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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