Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
