he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
