I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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