Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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