We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
