i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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