Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
