how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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