Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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