i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
