I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i have two assholes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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