I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
