If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
