They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
