Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
