i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
