How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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