was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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