I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
