My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
