When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
