My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
