I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In America we eat man semen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
