i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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