Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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