Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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