When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
