I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
