I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
