there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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