Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize