I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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