I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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