we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
