im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
