Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
