i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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