when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
