hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
