There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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