I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
