i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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