the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
