Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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