OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
