My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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