He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I believe in your delicious
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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