I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
