Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
