i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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